31 July 2008

Does Jesus get tetanus shots?

Professor Myers (at Pharyngula) has been busy this summer, stabbing the body of Jesus with rusty nails. His post is worth reading in its entirety as a reminder of how warped the religious mind can become. In the following excerpt, he responds to the charge that he's terribly evil for disrespecting the holy host (a cracker):

I think if I were truly evil, I would have to demand that all of my acolytes be celibate, but would turn a blind eye to any sexual depravities they might commit. If I wanted to be an evil hypocrite, I'd drape myself in expensive jeweled robes and live in an ornate palace while telling all my followers that poverty is a virtue. If I wanted to commit world-class evil, I'd undermine efforts at family planning by the poor, especially if I could simultaneously enable the spread of deadly diseases. And if I wanted to be so evil that I would commit a devastating crime against the whole of the human race, twisting the minds of children into ignorance and hatred, I would be promoting the indoctrination of religion in children's upbringing, and fomenting hatred against anyone who dared speak out in defiance.

I'm sorry to say that I only aspire to be a teeny-tiny bit evil, and my target is a handful of virtually inedible crackers in my possession. It's not much, and all I can say in my defense is…it's a start. A very small start. I'm going to need lots and lots of people to rise up and follow suit, subjecting old, dishonest institutions of hardened dogma to our chief weapon of ridicule and deris…our two weapons of ridicule, derision and laughter…no, three weapons of ridicule, derision, laughter, and skeptici…oh, never mind. You know what I mean. Get to work.

OK, time for the anticlimax. I know some of you have proposed intricate plans for how to do horrible things to these crackers, but I repeat…it's just a cracker. I wasn't going to make any major investment of time, money, or effort in treating these dabs of unpleasantness as they deserve, because all they deserve is casual disposal. However, inspired by an old woodcut of Jews stabbing the host, I thought of a simple, quick thing to do: I pierced it with a rusty nail (I hope Jesus's tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in the trash, followed by the classic, decorative items of trash cans everywhere, old coffeegrounds and a banana peel. My apologies to those who hoped for more, but the worst I can do is show my unconcerned contempt.


Comrade Kevin said...

Even Jesus himself spoke against this very same kind of thing. It's not what you take into your body, or build into some symbol of holiness, it's your actions, pure and simple.

I picture him shaking his head saying, "You guys have totally missed the point, again."

Karlo said...

I get tired of all the talk of miracles and esoteric doctrines. The greatest miracle is that some people manage to transend their own selfish egotism and make their life into something truly beautiful and positive. Everything else truly amounts to little more than cracker crumbs in someone's waste basket.