26 September 2005

The scientific buffet: Remember to eat your vegetables

Throughout the internets, I keep running up against rightwing palaver about stupid scientists and dumb academics. We're told that science should function like a conceptual buffet where people can come and pick the more juicy morsels leaving behind the brocholi and carrot sticks. You can hear the voices around the salad bar mumbling, "I'll take some of that gravity, laws of motion, and some of those anti-cancer drugs but leave behind that evolution and global warming--that's just too much for my diet."

To stop this assault on common-sense, I hereby unilaterally and pre-emptively declare that forthwith and hereforth, all those who eat at the salad bar must take their vegetables along with their slab of cooked swine. If you're going to toss out evolution and every other scientific theory that simply disagrees with your religious biases or corporate interests, you must strive for consistency by denying science in toto (which means we ain't in Kansas anymore). Herewith, electricity will be solely caused by the willful intervention of God or Satan; objects fall simply for no reason; and anti-cancer therapies are no more effective than Louisana holy water. Causality has ceased to exist. Weathermen are all guessing. Bush, being the great everyday man that he is (and so full of hot air), actually knows more about global warming than any scientist. And these words magically appear on the screen without me typing them.

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