12 September 2005

Fight for Fluffy!

According to the highly reliable MGB news outlet, the U.S. military has put forth a plan to send sheep to Iraq:

The Pentagon has ordered 1,500 sheep to Iraq to provide comfort and security in advance of two upcoming votes, the military announced Wednesday. Two livestock battalions from the 81st Dakota Rangers will deploy to Iraq before the scheduled Oct. 15 referendum on the proposed constitution, and remain through the December national elections, officials said.

I have no problem with sending sheep to Iraq, if they really feel they need to go over there to further the patriotic effort, but I draw the line at coercion. Take the example of Fluffy. Having served a long stint in the wild back-reaches of North Dakota, Fluffy was asked to do a second tour of duty in Baghdad. Recently Swerve Left reporters questioned Fluffy about how he felt about the current Iraq situation, Fluffy emphatically responded "ba-a-a-ad." Yet in spite of his reticence, his commanders at the 81st remain adamant: "We all realize that the war is based on deception, has cost billions of dollars, and is leading to increased terrorism and chaos, but these concerns need to be left up to the politicians. We need to soldier on. And if we're going to maintain the current operation, we can't rely on an 'Army of One.' We need all the sheep we can get." Fluffy, having refused to comply with his new orders, was forcefully carried off. When reporters phoned the stockade and inquired about his treatment, Fluffy shouted out "baa-aa-ad" just as the phone went inexplicably silent.

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