2 May 2005

Wit vs. halfwit

CNN reporters recently fell over one another in praising the mirthful exuberance of the wife of our great leader. Mahself, I don't get it. I keep looking through my copy of the Constitution and have yet to find mention of the post of "First Lady." Not that the First Lady doesn't serve a function. I suppose the conservatives have to pretend to give the womenfolk some power to keep them from gettin' too uppity.

This being the case, I think we'd do a lot better to simply bring back the position of Queen. We could, from the outset, simply select a family with good genetics (Britney Spears and her uberfrau progeny come to mind) that has the requisite washed-out blonde look and comforting heartland smirk. We could then call off the war in Iraq for an hour and use those millions to send the new Queen Britney around the country on a whirlwind tour, to charm the plebes and woo those worrisome workingclass wankers that are drifting away from the rightwing fold. After a short time, the proceeds from fan magazines and tabloid interviews would probably pay for the new position, and we could blow the whistles and return to war in Iraq--but with a renewed sense of purpose and a helluva lot more glamour.

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