It's not often that Swerve Left issues an apology and retraction of a previous post, but today I'm afraid I must pause from my sinistral yawings and confess that I have gravely maligned a key American instititution. The target of my illfounded ire was the Pentagon, which has received trillions of U.S. tax dollars in recent years as part of a military budget that exceeds that of every other nation combined. Now I had previously assumed that the Pentagon had done little with this money except to fund American (er, I mean, Dubai-an) war-profiteers but I now have learned that these dollars have in fact been spent on a visionary project that exceeds even the imagination of the most extreme leftist. It appears that the Pentagon has been part of a secret project to create, on the surface of Saturn, an entire new military-industrial complex called (you already guessed it, didn't you) "the hexagon." This recent photo clearly shows the massive complex surrounded by an anti-missile forcefield.
A Pentagon, that is, a Hexagon spokesman explained the agencies recent move. "Those on the left keep claiming that we are not under threat, but they fail to appreciate the gravity of the situation--particularly, here on Saturn where we work under great pressure just to lift our bodies from the extreme forces of the planet. In spite of the gravity, the searing temperatures, and the ultimate cost overruns, we believe Saturn provides the type of security we need. Since the move, we have not suffered a single Iraqi commando attack and have moved beyond the threat of North Korean nukes. And while lying down on a hot Saturnian afternoon, there's nothing like the view of the rings while watching the Earth go down."