And we thought Shrub was funny! Here are 10 fine examples of the wit and wisdom of Tom DeLay:
1) "So many minority youths had volunteered, that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." --Tom DeLay, explaining at the 1988 GOP convention why he and Vice Presidential nominee Dan Quayle did not fight in the Vietnam War.
2) "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" --Tom Delay, to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept.9, 2005.
3) "I AM the federal government." --Tom DeLay, to the owner of Ruth's Chris Steak House, after being told to put out his cigar because of federal government regulations banning smoking in the building, May 14, 2003.
4) "We're no longer a superpower. We're a super-duper power." -Tom DeLay, explaining why America must topple Saddam Hussein in 2002 interview with Fox News. (This guys been listening to far too much Abba on his iPod.)
5) "Nothing is more important in the face of a war than cutting taxes."--Tom DeLay, March 12, 2003.
6) "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills." --Tom DeLay, on causes of the Columbine High School massacre, 1999. (Isn't this 99% of the American population?!)
7) "A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure. To provide stability. Not that a woman can't provide stability, I'm not saying that... It does take a father, though." --Tom DeLay, in a radio interview, Feb. 10, 2004. (Someone needs to teach DeLay that plausible deniability functions best when invoked a little after the initial remark. Americans suffer from long-term memory loss and are basically stupid, but come on now!)
8) "I don't believe there is a separation of church and state. I think the Constitution is very clear. The only separation is that there will not be a government church." --Tom DeLay (date unspecified)
9) "Emotional appeals about working families trying to get by on $4.25 an hour [the minimum wage in 1996] are hard to resist. Fortunately, such families do not exist." --Tom DeLay, during a debate in Congress on increasing the minimum wage, April 23, 1996. (A first step towards balancing the budget should be to reverse DeLay's salary to $4.25 an hour.)
10) "I am not a federal employee. I am a constitutional officer. My job is the Constitution of the United States, I am not government employee. I am in the Constitution." --Tom DeLay, in a CNN interview, Dec. 19, 1995.