Wal-Mart Diagnosis

I like to give the management at Walmart a bad time. But I must say I was impressed by this new technology they're introducing to their stores:

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe said to Stan behind him, "My elbow hurts. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Stan replied. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe put a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Wal-Mart. He deposited ten dollars, and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured the sample into the slot and waited. Ten seconds later, the computer printed out the following message: You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. So when he got home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samplesfrom his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer lit up, and ten seconds later printed the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart