There's been all this talk about Christopher Walken's run for the White House. Personally, I think we could do a lot better if we tapped into the diversity America has to offer. For example, we could elect Kim Possible. Everything about Kim, including her name, suggests a positive outlook. She's kind of like Hillary Clinton crossed with a rightwing militia terrorist. And best of all, she kicks butt on all those weird foreigners.
If not Kim, we might nominate Underdog. This loyal pup, after all, fully represents the way that our great nation, while outpacing the military budgets of virtually every nation on the globe (combined!), is still somehow the "underdog." And if some mad scientist tried to stir up trouble with talk of stuff like global warming or evolution, Underdog would just like totally kick their ass.
Or there's Barney from the Flintstones. Barney offers us a return to America's golden past, when people lived off pre-Biblical reptiles and slave labor. With blond-haired Saturday-night bowling Barney, we can all rest assured that we aren't going to have any newfangled multiculturalism shoved down our throats.
For those who would like to see the electoral process opened up to people of color, I suggest that we nominate the Pink Panther. While the name suggests leftist tendencies long-discredited after the McCarthy Era, Pink does have the advantage of being an animal of color, and a rare species at that. And we could use a silent and strong sort in the White House.
On the other hand, if we hope to continue the current Republican legacy of providing opportunity to the rich and uptrodden, there's no one more attune with today's zeitgeist than our own Uncle Scrooge. Scrooge, as someone outside of the Beltway, can encourage us all to tighten our belts to ensure that the wheels of American plutocracy keep purring along. But then again, many Americans may have become attached to the Bush style, those constant disfluencies and verbal meanderings along with the endless chasing after underground terrorists. For these people, the natural choice would be Elmer Fudd, a candidate who ain't afraid to shoot now and ask questions later, even if the barrel is pointed back at himself.