Daddy Shrub will protect you

I feel so secure to see that the daddy of the nation has such rational priorities. The nation's plagued by biblical floods, National Guard troops that would help if they hadn't been sent off to the Middle East, and plummeting public support, but Shrub has decided to tackle the problem of athletes taking steroids. Like every frivilous attention-seeking political move, there's a bit of irony in all this. Shrub, after all, formerly owned a baseball team, and even traded for Jose Canseco, the former Oakland A's star who has emerged as a poster child for steroid abuse. All this aside, I'm so overjoyed to see that Shrub has joined the vast multitude of Americans clammoring for steroid-free athletes in protests throughout the country. Ever since we overcame the threat of Iraqi commandoes storming our beaches, I've been awake every night concerned about testerone-crazed baseball players breaking down my door and whacking me on the head with a baseball bat.